


Silence is golden... But only sometimes

by ThisIsMyVoice



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff, Mild Smut, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-27
Updated: 2018-01-27
Packaged: 2019-03-09 21:27:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13490112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThisIsMyVoice/pseuds/ThisIsMyVoice
Summary: The one where there is no betrayal at the mountain, Clarke comes to Polis and together they learn a new way to live. Or -2 times Lexa taught Clarke about silence and 1 time Clarke taught Lexa the value of being loud.





	Silence is golden... But only sometimes

**Author's Note:**

> Un-betaed guys ( is that how you spell that? Betad, beted? Naah) anywhoo, it hasn't been read by a beta so please bear with any mistakes. As always I love hearing your comments so let me know what you think. Peace.

Clarke talks a lot.

 

It’s something she had never really noticed before coming to the ground but compared with the grounders, these strong, stoic people who can say more with their expressions and actions than they ever say with their mouths, she’s realized she talks a _lot._

  
All the Arkers do. Clarke figures they can blame it on the fact that in space, the ark was never silent. There was always something to hear. You were always surrounded by people, their chatter and movements amplified by the metal of the ark. And off the extremely rare chance that you managed to find no one, there was always the reassuring background hum of hundreds of machines dedicated to their all important task of keeping the human race alive.

  
That noise was a comfort; after Clarke’s dad was floated and she was sent to prison, sometimes it was the only comfort. It reminded Clarke that no matter how much her life would change from that moment, no matter how bad things looked, there was one thing that remained the same. Constant. Consistent. Somewhere, the earth was still turning, on the ark lives were being lived and at least,  even if only in the most basic life and death sense of the word, everything was still alright.

  
So you see, Clarke doesn’t _do_ silence. Not the way the grounders did. Silence on the ark was nothing short of eerie, an empty vacuum that could only be synonymous with imminent destruction. Silence reminds her of space and the helpless look on her father’s face the second before he was sucked out into the dark void. It makes her nervous to be surrounded by it, makes her skin crawl.

Clarke itches with the urge to fill it.

As she walks side-by-side with the Commander on an afternoon stroll that is the product of a pleasant invitation by said Commander, Clarke struggles not to blurt out a random stream of meaningless facts - about the forest around them, about the weather, about herself, about anything to break the bubble of nothingness her and the commander have been floating around in.

  
Lexa likes the silence though, Clarke can tell. She’s sure that there are all kinds of tactical and logical reasons why, such as being able to hear the approach of enemies, the whistling of a blade as it flies towards your head and so on and so forth but Clarke is equally as sure that, if the soft smile on Lexa’s face is any indication, when taking a walk through a quiet forest on a warm sunlit afternoon like this one, Lexa’s silence has less to do with that and more to do with the fact that for Lexa, the silence is synonymous with peace.  This is how Lexa reassures herself that for the most part, all is as it should be.

  
Clarke get’s that…she really does. And she loves seeing this side of the normally stoic commander. Lexa’s face is clear and open, full of quiet delight when Clarke glances at her, soft in a way that Clarke realizes as free from the usual hardness imposed by the persona of the Commander Lexa dons, just as she dons her Commander’s coat. She looks…happy and when Lexa catches Clarke looking at her, Clarke doesn’t need to force the smile that curves her lips. Lexa returns her smile, eyes shining with a warmth that makes Clarke feel more than a little weak at the knees.

She looks away from the Commander so that she doesn’t stumble over her own feet and tries to convince herself that she doesn’t care about the silence gnawing at her; that the sensation of tiny insects crawling up and down her spine, of the silence around them pressing in on her, pressing down is just in her imagination.

  
She’s putting so much effort into not talking that she ends up walking with her jaw clenched, her entire body tense as she strives not to break the silence.

  
She catches Lexa glancing at her a couple of times, the Commander’s earlier smile shifting to confusion shifting to small frown that speaks of concern. It winds up Clarke even tighter because she’s making a big deal out of literally nothing – the absence of sound – and she doesn’t want to ruin their walk because of it. She likes walking with Lexa. It had taken only a week in Polis for Clarke to be able to freely admit this. She _likes_ Lexa. And Lexa likes silence. So Clarke can _do_ this –

“What’s wrong?” Clarke starts involuntarily at the unexpected sound of Lexa’s voice.

  
“N-nothing.” She stutters unconvincingly, trying to recover.

  
Lexa merely looks at her, those beautiful green eyes filled with so much concern that Clarke caves.

  
“I-I’m just not used to so much silence I guess. After everything that has happened, we haven’t exactly gotten a chance to just exist like this. I didn’t realize how quiet the ground could be.” She’s trying for a diplomatic answer, honest enough to soothe Lexa’s concern but not so honest that she ruins Lexa’s quiet enjoyment in their walk.

  
Lexa considers her carefully and Clarke can practically see her mind working, reading between the lines. Suddenly the forest feels more than a little hot and Clarke feels herself start to sweat.

  
“You mean…you do not like the silence.” Lexa deduces slowly, still carefully searching Clarke’s face for clues.

  
“I – ”, Clarke’s first instinct is instant denial but looking at the encouraging expression on Lexa’s face she can’t. Even if it’s something as small as this, she doesn’t want to taint their blossoming friendship with lies.

  
“No,” she sighs, putting away all pretense and all hope of saving their walk from her past. “no I don’t.”

Lexa waits, silently, true to character and it almost makes Clarke smile even as she sighs again and shakes her head at herself.

“On the ark, it was only ever silent when something bad was happening. I guess I’m just used to thinking of silence that way. Add that to the fact that it reminds me of my father and – “Clarke has to pause to swallow past the lump that suddenly wants to form in her throat. “It makes me feel kind of like I imagine he must have felt floating in space, kind of like the whole world is pressing down on me.”

  
“It makes you feel claustrophobic?” Lexa says it like a question, pronouncing the unfamiliar word carefully.

Clarke grabs at the familiar word with relief, glad to be able to put such a clear name on the mess of her feelings though it makes her wonder exactly how much time Lexa has been spending around her mother. “Yes exactly.”

  
“I asked Abby Griffin for some of the medical books you had on the ark, I found your healing methods fascinating.” Lexa tells her, as if reading her mind.

  
That explains it. “You were able to understand them?” Clarke asks, more than a little impressed, her admiration clear in her voice.

She knew Lexa was intelligent, that’s obvious. But to be able to navigate the ark’s dense biological textbooks and medical encyclopedias without constant help and with a development gap that spanned centuries after the devastation of the bombs?

  
Lexa’s cheeks warm, a subtle pink coloring them and Clarke is eternally charmed by the picture she makes, by the way Lexa looks away from her grin, clearing her throat lightly.

  
“It wasn’t that hard, when I started from the beginning. The fundamental principles are not all that different from our own healing methods. The information was clear and concise and anything I did not understand, I asked Abby - Dr. Griffin for help.”

  
That cements Clarke’s suspicion that Lexa was getting a whole lot closer to her mother than she realized which, okay, was surprising and would definitely be discussed at another time.

  
“Yeah well I’ve actually read those textbooks so your modesty isn’t going to stop you receiving credit for this one, those things are monsters. You are ridiculously smart aren’t you?” if a little flirtatiousness slips into her teasing, well, Lexa’s adorable. And smart. And fierce. And gorgeous. Sue her.

  
The commander shrugs one shoulder in response, looking away again, cheeks growing a little pinker. Clarke grins and the space between them fills with an easy silence that for some reason, doesn’t bother Clarke nearly as much. But it seems to remind Lexa of their conversation and she turns back to Clarke with a frown.

  
“Anyway, I’m fine now so we can continue with our walk.” Clarke rushes to say before Lexa can ask anything.

  
Lexa hesitates for a long time, carefully looking Clarke over as if to determine the truth of her words. Clarke makes herself stand straighter and wipes any trace of anxiety from her face. The impression she's going for is eager, which truthfully she is. There aren't exactly a lot of moments where she can have Lexa all to herself like this.

She can hear her heart pounding, hard and loud in the quiet as Lexa makes her decision. 

  
Lexa eventually acquiesces with a single nod but she doesn’t start walking immediately, instead, closing the distance between her and Clarke. Clarke’s heart pounds reflexively harder.

  
“You know, the forest is not nearly as silent as you think Clarke. All around you there is life. Maybe it is represented differently than on the ark, but it is there if you listen. The sound of the wind, the calling of birds, the rush of the nearby river. The earth speaks constantly. You need only know how to hear her.”

  
That sounds beautiful and with Lexa looking half expectantly, half encouragingly at her, Clarke closes her eyes and tries but after living on the ark for so long, she might as well be deaf to the subtle sounds Lexa is talking about. It feels like she’s experiencing the forest with cotton wool stuffed into her ears. With a defeated sigh she opens her eyes, Lexa’s questioning expression coming into view “I’m sorry Lexa, really, I don’t hear anything.”

  
The reassuring smile Lexa gives Clarke is completely unexpected and entirely soothing.

Clarke let’s herself relax into the knowledge that Lexa isn’t somehow disappointed or frustrated with her.

  
“It will come, with time. For now, would you truly like us to continue our walk?”

  
“yes” Clarke says so earnestly Lexa’s smile widens. She acquiesces with a regal dip of her head and gestures to the forest path ahead of them.

  
Despite Clarke’s best intentions, after a few minutes of what is to her, almost complete silence, she can’t stop her body from reacting and feels herself beginning to tense up.

  
“you know these trees are famous for their blossoms."

 

Clarke startles slightly and blinks in surprise at Lexa. That was random.

  
Lexa meets her gaze unwaveringly, a small smile appearing on her face at Clarke’s bewilderment. “They only bloom once a year, in winter, continuing into spring. At the beginning of spring, their branches are heavy with peach colored flowers, the smell drifting throughout the entire forest, sometimes going as far as the town center.”

  
The trees she is talking about line the forest path on both sides and are now little more than bare bunches with a few green buds. Clarke takes the information in still not quite seeing the point but as Lexa continues to talk Clarke finds herself releasing an involuntarily breath of relief. Her spine loosens. She unclenches hands she hadn’t even realized she’d clenched. The only acknowledgement that Commander gives of noticing the effect she has on Clarke is the slight upwards tilt of her mouth.

  
Then Lexa turns her attention back to the path ahead. She talks about the other trees in the forest, about the animals and sometimes about the lack of them, about the sky and her favorite clouds, about the kind of weather they’ve been having lately – she talks all the way back to the tower.

  
Just for Clarke.

  
It’s the most words Clarke has ever heard Lexa say consecutively since landing on the ground and she doesn’t have words for the warmth that engulfs her at the realization, the sheer affection for this selfless woman with her unfailingly huge heart, who puts Clarke first, even in this.

  
Saying goodbye, just outside Clarke’s door, the lingering kiss Clarke presses to the Commander’s cheek says everything she needs it to say.

  
“You’re welcome.” Lexa tells her, smile warm.

  
***

  
In their free moments within the week, Lexa takes Clarke on walks all throughout Polis, telling her about her city, her people, their work and her plans for a better tomorrow. Clarke watches Lexa and the way her eyes shine as she details their past, present and future and feels herself fall a little harder for her each time and for the way she loves her people.

  
***

  
Lexa does like the silence though.

  
So after a week of near constant conversation during their outings, Clarke tries to see the world around her from Lexa’s point of view, starting with the forest.

 

When Lexa starts to speak – small talk about their day and the surroundings – she stops her with a gentle squeeze of her hand, thrilling in the way Lexa pauses and then hooks her fingers with a small, understanding smile as Clarke withdraws, prolonging the contact.

  
Silence wraps them up in a peaceful bubble and for once Clarke is not anxious or uncomfortable. She can finally hear all the subtle sounds that she missed before. She probably has all the walks she's been on with Lexa to thank for that. 

There are birds chirping, brooks gargling, trees whispering, the wind whistling, the clump of horses hooves as Lexa’s bodyguards lead the horses a respectful distance behind and their muffled footsteps – well Lexa’s muffled footsteps, let’s be honest, Clarke has stepped on so many twigs it’s a wonder she hasn’t scared all the animals away. There’s this entire symphony that’s being played and Clarke stares around her with amazement, wondering how she could have completely missed such a beautiful series of interconnected melodies, melodies that, if Clarke had had her way, would have been completely lost and overtaken by chatter.

  
Lexa glances at her once, twice, concern in her eyes, somehow managing to ask “are you alright?” without having to say a single word.

  
Clarke laughs because she gets it now, and presses close, connecting their hands properly without a single thought to the guards behind them (Lexa wouldn’t have picked anyone she couldn’t absolutely trust)

  
“I’m great” she tells her honestly.

  
Lexa considers her for a moment and then gives her, not one of her usual small smiles full of contained warmth but an actual smile, full and wide, white teeth sparkling, radiating pleasure and pride. Lexa’s smile is utterly devastating, and even as she returns it, Clarke feels dazed in the aftermath of it, awed that she could cause such a beautiful thing. She probably stares for longer than she should and it takes a small squeeze on her hand to bring her back to herself. Clarke’s cheeks light up in a blush as she quickly goes back to considering the forest but Lexa’s quiet laughter is still the best sound she’s heard all day.

  
Her reassurance to Lexa is the last thing she says for the rest of the walk but she has never before felt so connected to her surroundings, to _Lexa,_ their eyes meeting in shared amusement, joy, delight over the many attractions of their walk including but not limited to a rowdy group of two-tailed squirrels and a family of bunnies who have made their home in a fallen log, the babies with pink, twitching noses and eyes that have not yet opened watched over by a protective mother who observes them closely.

  
Saying goodbye, just outside Clarke’s door, the hug Lexa gives Clarke, warm and lingering, says everything she needs it to say.

  
Clarke hugs her tighter in response.

  
***

  
Some weeks later, Clarke is basking in her newfound appreciation for silence, Lexa’s legs clamped tight around her head.

Muted, Lexa’s quiet whimpers and soft moans linger in the air.

Lexa is always quiet in bed. Not silent, just quiet. soft and gentle more often than not. When Clarke touches her, it is like every ounce of hardness melts away until it is just Lexa, loose-limbed and molten in her bed and Clarke thinks it is one of the loveliest things she has ever seen.

She on the other hand, is considerably louder; panting breaths, choked-off curses and loud cries inevitably ricocheting from the ceiling when Lexa touches her. One time she was so loud, Lexa had to cover her mouth with her free hand, laughing softly, thumb still circling Clarke’s clit in fasts circles with a hard, steady pressure that was too much and not enough at the same time. “Shh, ai niron, you’ll wake up the entire tower.” Clarke had managed a husky chuckle before Lexa thrust deeper, curled her fingers harder, moved her thumb in tighter circles that had Clarke groaning helplessly against Lexa’s hand as she arched off the bed.

  
Clarke is the loud one. Which is why when she hears a guttural groan from above her, loud enough to cut through the muted hum of the world around her, her first instinct is worry that she’s somehow hurt Lexa.

Immediately she stops, ignoring Lexa’s whimper of protest to rest her chin against the warmth of Lexa’s upper thigh.

  
“Everything alright Lex?”

  
Lexa has her eyes closed but they flutter open at Clarke’s question. Hazy with pleasure, they seem to take Clarke in – her mussed up hair, the slickness covering the lower half of her face, bright blown pupils, so wide that there is only the slightest ring of blue around them - and closes her eyes again, a helpless moan drawn from somewhere deep inside her, low and loud. The sound pierces right through Clarke; a bolt of electricity straight to her core.

Her breath hitches, eyebrows jerking up in surprise;

 

That’s new.

 

Lexa’s cheeks warm, embarrassed by the sound but a bit too far gone to truly care. “Yes,” she husks, her voice the kind of rough that has tingles shooting up and down Clarke’s spine. Lexa’s thumb strokes tenderly down Clarke’s cheek, her chin, tracing through the moisture there until they land on swollen lips. Clarke presses a soft kiss to the digit and revels in the upward tilt of Lexa’s smile.

  
“Please don’t stop.”

  
And really who is Clarke to deny Lexa anything? She presses a kiss to trembling thighs and eases her way back in.

  
When she licks experimentally up the length of Lexa, long and firm with the flat of her tongue, there’s that helpless moan again, Lexa’s hips lifting towards her mouth and fingers tangling in her hair.

  
Clarke chuckles because _this,_ vocal Lexa? This is her new favorite thing.

The vibrations from her mouth have Lexa keening. _“Clarke-_ please” she chokes out. Clarke clenches around nothing in sympathy at the desperation in her voice and gets to work.

  
But something is different when Lexa locks her legs around her again – her sounds are stilted, choked off as if –

  
Clarke lifts her head one more time. Lexa whimpers but the sound is still muffled and sure enough, Lexa has got the back of her hand across her mouth, her teeth biting into the flesh there, blocking all those sounds Clarke so eagerly wants to hear.

  
Clarke gently taps against Lexa’s thigh and waits until the Commander’s eyes, more black than green, and still that hazy kind of unfocused that Clarke loves land on her. She waits the second more that Lexa needs to focus.

  
“Babe let me hear you.”

  
Lexa flushes at the endearment and probably at the idea of actually letting all these sounds out, letting the way Clarke makes her feel ring out.

(Vulnerable, cracked open… _weak…_ but in the best possible way.)

  
Though the guards know better than to stand right outside their door by now, they are still somewhere in the hallway, close-by. Then there are the helpers and the cooks and everyone else who keeps the tower functioning, bustling around completing final late-night tasks. True, it’s rare that they would come all the way up to the top level of the tower at this time but still…

  
“Clarke-”

  
“Please,” Clarke whispers, pressing another kiss to the top of Lexa’s thigh, enjoying the way it tenses and relaxes and trembles under her mouth, “I really, really love hearing you.” Her voice is all husk at this point, emphasizing the truth of her words and Lexa’s eyes grow soft as she gazes at Clarke’s earnest expression. Color rises high in her cheeks but she nods and Clarke slides back down for what is hopefully the third and final time in chasing this particular orgasm.

  
Truly Lexa tries, the hand that was covering her mouth now fumbling to grab hold of Clarke’s free hand instead.

Clarke intertwines their fingers, squeezing reassuringly.

  
Lexa starts off slow; all quiet whimpers and soft moans that make heated tendrils of pride and affection curl low in Clarke's gut, sparking warm between her thighs.

Lexa is trying, and so Clarke makes it her personal mission to make it as easy for her to open up as possible. She intends to pleasure the Commander so well she's not going to remember her own name, let alone to be self-conscious. It takes a little time and some inventive maneuvering of Clarke's tongue, but soon Lexa isn't holding back anymore - _can't_ hold back anymore. Clarke has opened the floodgates and she gladly drowns in Lexa's sweet sounds. She’s never seen her so liberated, flung so far out of her usual control. The helpless cries that spill from her mouth are intoxicating; the loud moans and rough groans, shot through with a rapid series of words Clarke is pretty sure are curses in Trigadeslang that would make her blush if she could understand them as they are gasped out. The most delightful of all these sounds though, interwoven through them, is her name –

  
Clarke,  Clarke, _Clarke_ –

  
Sighed, shouted and moaned. The sound of her name from this particular woman’s mouth rushes to Clarke’s head like the sweet, strong wine from one of their summer festivals, leaving her feeling light-headed, overheated and oversensitive, like the slightest touch will be enough to send her over the edge even as she groans in response and presses closer into Lexa. She works Lexa until her name becomes a chant –

A broken stream of _Clarke, Clarke, Clarke_ as she drives Lexa up, _up,_ sends her spinning higher and higher, faster and faster until –

  
There is always this moment of silence right before Lexa comes. A moment where everything else in the world seems to stop, where time seems to slow and reality is reduced to their quiet, uneven breaths, the infinite space between their heartbeats and the tense curve of Lexa’s back –

  
Then the silence _snaps_ and Clarke’s name is _sung_ to the ceiling. Sharpened on the knife’s edge of Lexa’s pleasure, the sound slices through Clarke with no warning. It breaks of into sobbed variations of her name and just like that Clarke is sent flying over the edge as well, groaning as she takes Lexa through her orgasm, hips thrusting helplessly against the bed for any kind of friction she can get.

  
***

  
They lie in silence, sweaty and sated and Clarke has learnt enough from Lexa not to have to say or do anything to break it.

Eventually Lexa turns to her, tucking her face in the hollow of Clarke’s neck, and flinging an arm and a leg over her, drawing her closer. She kisses Clarke’s neck. She has learnt enough from Clarke to let her know, “That was amazing.”

  
Clarke grins. “yeah it was.” She agrees. “I loved hearing you” she adds softly.

  
Lexa pushes her face deeper into Clarke’s neck, embarrassed,  but Clarke can also feel her smirking, pleased. “Yes, that became apparent to me. I didn't even have to touch you.”

  
Clarke laughs and flicks playfully at Lexa’s ear for the teasing, earning Lexa’s quiet laughter against her.

  
“Thank you, Clarke, for teaching me to…express myself” Lexa murmurs eventually.

  
Clarke laughs again, softly “I probably should have gone for a slightly more PG lesson but you’re welcome.”

  
Lexa laughs but shakes her head. “I am not talking about just today. Your entire stay in Polis, being able to just talk to someone. About important things, about simple things…I’d forgotten how much I missed that, how wonderful that could be. It is an easy thing to take for granted.”

  
Clarke takes that in, suddenly serious, “Then thank you for teaching me to enjoy silence instead of being scared of it.”

  
Lexa presses a kiss to the underside of her jaw, soft and sweet. “You’re welcome,” she whispers, then yawns, an incredibly kitten-like yawn that has Clarke chuckling fondly.

  
Clarke brings Lexa even closer and lifts the covers over both of them so they can settle into sleep; the nights are chilly and the sweat on their skin has already began to cool.

  
Together they are loud and quiet and hard and soft and everything they need to be.

Together the Commander and her Ambassador sleep.


End file.
